May 23, 2025 - Day 12 of the Flower Moon

Something About Love

I've been in a bit of a funk for the past few weeks, which I chalk up to weird feelings around my birthday and work stress. Not that I dislike getting older, rather that most holidays be they personal or national tend to remind me of family which is a rat's nest of emotion. That's not what I want to write about though, I want to write about love.

I just read Chia Amisola's interview with Elan Ullendorff at Escape the Algorithm, and her words really began to kick me out of this funk. Why aren't there more websites about love? What matters to me, what gets me up in the morning and what pulls me through difficult times is love, always. If my personal site is to reflect my person, then it must be in some way about love; it must contain or be a devotional to love. As it stands, I have tucked my love notes in the code of the site, only for the dedicated to find. Why do I hide them? I think there's something so achingly vulnerable about them. These are not articulated points or packaged concepts that I want to convey, they are simply the things I cannot help but say somewhere when my heart vibrates in my chest just so, after my girlfriend leaves after having stayed the night, or after I reread a passages from my favorite love poems. Does that not warrant space on the front of my site?

I have been feeling the constraint of the structure of this site lately. I have been tired of structure, of logic and projects with beginnings and ends. I want something here to reflect the wildness and the freedom that I have been longing for and missing. I feel myself churning too full of thoughts with nowhere currently to put them. This is my way of saying I will be poking holes in this site to let the light through, to let the wind whistle in and throw all these papers around the room.

P.S. I think part of why there are so few websites about love is how the means for production of websites were dominated by men early on, who were subjected to the expectations of men. I think these men, expected to speak of and show little emotion, especially not vulnerable love and affection, unwittingly defined the tone and style of personal websites in this image. This is just my theory however as a former man and a forever nerd <3